Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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