You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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