My room smells like vodka and shame
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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