Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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