walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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