are you still at the devil's house?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
