I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
