my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
