Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
