I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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