"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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