Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
