Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
