I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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