well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
