in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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