It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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