Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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