Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
