You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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