Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i already hear my dad disowning me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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