His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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