lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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