I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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