Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
