Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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