Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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