so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
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Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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