Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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