He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
