I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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