as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
