I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
