just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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