So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
