i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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