i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
