That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
