what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
