smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn