That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
