actually, I'm a sock model
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
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Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...