We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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