he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.