I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just tell him i said nine months
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
