THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.