I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
