conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
We left the knife in your bed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.