great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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