does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
