My sheets look like a crime scene.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
