Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
