Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
