Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
