Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
