look no pants
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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