your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
