Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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