i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I will be naked everywhere
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
