You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
