when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
