Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
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We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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