whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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