The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
