he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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