so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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