that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
