How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
