seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
