U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
