When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
