i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
