is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
