I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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