The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
