i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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