What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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