We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
