Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
