I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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