No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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