I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
