nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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