you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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