think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
