so that wasnt chicken after all
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
