So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
