We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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