i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
