it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
