you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
