I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
