I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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