I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
