What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
