why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
