good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
