I wanna passion pit in your ass
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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