this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
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they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
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the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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