If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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