While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
