happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
