you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
