You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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